Coping
by Abydosorphan
Summary: Sam's emotional roller coaster after Jacob's death helps make unusual strides for their relationship.
A cool mist covered everything and Sam had to force herself to suppress a shiver.

So much had changed in the last few weeks and she hadn't quite figured out how to cope with it all.

The priest continued with the eulogy but Sam's attention was on anything but the words being said. The coffin being lowered into the ground meant nothing. Her father wasn't in it. Her father's body would be returned to the Tok'ra or disposed of in some other manner. The grave at Arlington would be nothing more than a token gesture.

People started to disperse, many of whom had never known Jacob Carter. Some had just 'lost touch' with him in recent years. No matter which, their words of condolence were ringing on deaf ears as far as she was concerned.

General Hammond came by, his Texas drawl and warm smile so recognizable and comforting that he actually brought forth a small smile.

The hug she received from him was familiar, yet unexpected.

Her eyes closed briefly as she tried to force the tears away. She had cried enough over the last few days. Cried over her father's death, cried over the shambles that her personal life had become, and cried as she broke Pete's heart in front of the house that would never be theirs.

When her eyes opened, Mark and the guys were standing behind the General. She blinked hoping that none of them would notice the unshed tears clinging to her lashes.

"Thank you for coming, General."

"I couldn't have missed it, Colonel."

Hammond moved to join the others as they left the cemetery and congregated for the post-funeral ceremony and food. She watched him as he left and wondered what everyone would think if she opted to just sink into the ground and not go. She didn't want to be the good, little soldier today. Today she just wanted to do away with the charade and grieve for her father in her own way.

Mark's hand on her shoulder brought her head around.

"Everyone's back at the car. You ready to head out?"

Sam's eyes went to the empty casket and grave before them. "I really think I'd rather be alone for a bit, Mark."

He made a move as if he were about to protest, but before he could voice it, Jack O'Neill stepped forward.

"I can wait for you in the truck, Carter. Just come up when you're ready and we'll go."

As General O'Neill walked away, Mark's eyes followed him carefully. He seemed unsure about it, looking at Sam as she closed her eyes in thanks and nodded her head. He moved in to hug her.

"We'll see you at the hotel if not before," he whispered gently into her ear, his voice full of understanding.

She nodded into his chest, released him and then exchanged quick hugs with Daniel and Teal'c.

After they walked away she just stood there. She pulled her coat tightly around herself to fight off the chill as the mist of the day soaked in, penetrating her bones as her mind wandered.

 _"I want you to be happy"_

"Don't let rules stand in your way."

Was that really what she'd been doing? She didn't want to think that it was, but she knew that if she'd felt even a fraction for Pete of what she felt for Jack O'Neill she probably wouldn't have called off the wedding.

Clicking her heels together sharply ,she turned and headed toward the truck that Jack had rented upon their arrival. Opening the door ,she got inside and shivered, the warmth of the cabin only serving to make the dampness and chill more apparent.

"Jeez, Carter, you've got to be freezing." Jack leaned over, adjusting the vents so that they weren't blowing directly on her – adding to the chill – but around her to warm her. When he stretched across her to reach the one on the far side of the dashboard she reached out and touched his arm.

"Stop." She didn't look him in the eye, only stared at the spot where they touched.

"Carter?"

She closed her eyes, her voice just above a whisper as she repeated, "Just… stop."

When she opened her eyes she looked directly into his. She could see the confusion and concern there, and she wanted to make sure he understood that despite everything she was all right.

Her hands moved up to cup his cheeks and he flinched slightly at the sudden contact; she moved in and quickly claimed his lips with her own.

"Hmph, Carter!" His surprise brought a slight smile to her face and a flash of memory to a previous time and place when something similar had happened. Instead of backing away from him, she held his head a bit more firmly and kissed him again, this time opening her lips slightly to pull his bottom lip gently between hers.

This time when he pulled back it was completely. "Sam?"

She stared at him for a moment. Licking her lips and pulling her bottom lip between her teeth before carefully saying her next words. "I don't want to let rules stand in my way anymore."

His look of puzzled shock probably would have made her laugh under different circumstances.

His eyes searched her face as if hoping to find his answers there, his hands moving up to cup her cheeks. "What do you mean?"

Her head tilted to the side, not breaking eye contact, but not yet voicing out loud all of the things she desperately wanted to finally say.

"I want to resign."

He pushed back from her, his shock clearly apparent. "What? No!"

"I've thought about this. A lot. I want to resign my commission and stay on as a civilian scientific advisor."

Jack's thumb gently ran over the line of her cheekbone. "I can't let you do that, Sam. Not if it's for the reasons I suspect."

She tried to quell the anger that wanted to well up, tried to swallow her pride and let the fact that he really was just trying to look out for her best interests stay with her.

"My reasoning shouldn't have anything to do with things."

Jack smiled, his eyes breaking contact with hers for a moment, "If you're making decisions based on incomplete information, then yes, your reasons should come in to question."

"There is nothing incomplete about the chain of command, _Jack_."

She hoped that the stress on his first name would drive things home.

"I agree, but if the chain of command issue weren't so much of an issue anymore, would that make a difference?"

She looked at him and she knew she had the same puzzled expression that she would when trying to figure out to a new piece of alien equipment. "How could it not be an issue?"

Jack's thumb traced the line of her cheekbone, "The whole thing about the chain of command is that it's sometimes flexible."

Sam felt her eyebrow cock up. "I have never known the Air Force regulations to be _flexible_ about that."

"I didn't say the regs, Sam. I said the chain of command." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I've been offered a transfer."

Sam blinked, several times, "A transfer? To where?"

"I've been offered a position in Washington. It just so happens that a certain General is moving on to another position and wants me to replace him."

Sam felt fresh tears trying to spring up but she swallowed them down. It didn't seem fair that they might finally be making progress only to have to separated by more than fifteen-hundred miles.

"I had a meeting with George yesterday. I told him it was a lot to consider and I'd have to think it over. I was hoping we might have the chance to discuss certain _possibilities_ next week."

Next week, the fishing trip, she was finally supposed to get to see Jack's cabin and infamous lake.

"This..." she motioned between them, "wasn't the only thing that had me considering resigning." An image of Cassie's sad smile flashed before her eyes.

"That's fine." Jack brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. "And if that's what you ultimately decide, I'll support you. But not until after you've exhausted all your options."

This time when his lips met hers it was full of promise. When they separated his eyes twinkled full of mischief.

"You ready to go now?"

Sam smiled, then nodded.

Jack put the truck into gear, and was almost at the exit when he stopped. "What restaurant did your brother say they were going to?"

Sam felt her face fall. "I'm not sure I'm up for going to the restaurant. Can you just take me back to the hotel?"

"Of course."

The rest of the ride passed by in relative silence, with Sam staring out the window most of the time.

Once they arrived at the hotel Jack seemed to start fidgetting. He walked her to the door of her room and watched as she dug out her key.

"Did you want to grab something to eat? Or are you not feeling up to food?"

Opening the door, Sam stepped inside the room and held the door open for him to follow. "I'm not up for food right now, but I could use some company if you don't mind."

"Not at all." He moved inside, taking off his coat, and placing that, his jacket and cover in the small closet.

Sam did the same and then continued on to remove her tie and kick off her shoes. Strong hands gripped her shoulders and she tried to suppress the shiver that rolled through her.

"Why don't you take a shower, change and relax? I'll go and do the same and come back in about thirty minutes. I'm sure you'll feel a bit better once you're in more comfortable clothing and warm."

She leaned back into him ,enjoying the quiet support that he'd been giving her so much lately. His arms wrapped around her stomach and he leaned his head down to nuzzle briefly at her neck.

"I'll be back in a bit."

Before he could move she turned in his embrace, tilting her head and kissing him.

"Thanks, for all of this."

"Anytime." He hugged her close, holding her for longer than they would normally have allowed themselves the luxury of. "I'll take your key and be back as soon as I can."

As soon as the door had closed behind him, Sam rustled through her duffle for a comfortable pair of sweats and her Air Force T-shirt. It wasn't the most attractive thing she could have chosen, but it was comfortable, and he'd certainly seen her in worse.

She took slightly longer than her usual military shower, letting the warm water help alleviate the remainder of the chill.

When she was done, she opened the door and wasn't all that surprised to hear the soft theme song to the _Simpsons_ fill the room. Jack was propped up against the headboard of her bed, the remote firmly in the grasp of his right hand, while his left lazily brought a french fry to his lips.

Crossing her arms and leaning against the wall for a few seconds, she watched him. When he turned his head and cocked an eyebrow in her direction, she walked over to the bed.

"You made yourself right at home, didn't you?" she asked as she crawled on the bed next to him and snagged the french fry currently on its was to his mouth.

"There's a burger for you on the table if you're hungry, and some Guinness in the fridge."

"You really did make yourself comfortable." She nestled into his side, lazily watching the screen and occasionally swiping his french fries. She liked being like this, just snuggled in comfortably with his arm around her. She felt more calm and safe than she had in quite a while.

"Feeling better?" His voice rumbled through his chest and Sam had to think for a moment before responding.

"Much."

His hand moved gently up and down her arm, soothing her and making her feel relaxed and tired. She nestled in closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder while her hand rested on the center of his chest. He hugged her closer, his lips breifly brushing against the top of her head. Sam smiled, by next week this would officially no longer be forbidden, inappropriate behavior. The fleeting thought of arranging some extra time at the cabin, either before Daniel and Teal'c arrived of after they left, occurred to her and she decided she'd mention it to Jack later. For the moment all she wanted to do was lay there next to him and enjoy the comfortable feel of his arm around her and the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath her hand.

A knock on the door had her opening her eyes and blinking against the unexpected darkness. She had no idea when she'd fallen asleep or how long they'd been there but her left leg had wrapped itself around Jack's.

The sound of another knock prompted her to get out of bed, feeling Jack stir as she shifted off the mattress.

Running a hand through her hair and turning on the bathroom light so she would have some illumination, she then opened the door.

"Mark?" She looked up and down the hallway. "Is everything okay?"

"Actually, I was coming to check on you and ask you the same thing."

Sam smiled softly, they had their differences but they had become fairly close again these past few years. "I'm doing better."

Mark shifted slightly where he stood, he still seemed uneasy around her at times. She often wondered if her breakup with Pete had only helped to compound that. "Are you hungry? Can I get you anything? We're all a little worried about you."

Leaning against the door-frame, Sam propped the door open with her foot. "I'm okay. Jack brought me a burger earlier, and I munched on some french fries."

"Jack?"

Sam felt the heat rush to her cheeks and watched her brother's eyes widen in understanding.

"General Jack O'Neill, so... Jack."

"I remember him." Mark's demeanor seemed to change. "Dad mentioned him a few times. He never came right out and said so, but I could tell that he liked the guy."

Sam smiles as she thinks back on things. "Yeah, they had their differences but Dad liked him."

"Good." Mark shifted on his feet, looking slightly uncomfortable. "See you for breakfast in the morning?"

Reaching over, Sam grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. "Count on it."

They hugged briefly, before Mark turned and walked down the hall to his own room. Sam watched him go in his room before turning back to her own. Jack was standing behind her, leaning up against the wall.

"I should be..." His hands motioned towards the door and Sam felt a wave of loss sweep over her.

"Don't."

He took on a slightly confused look. "Don't?"

She walked up to him, her hand resting gently on his chest. "Just... stay."

For a moment she wasn't sure he would agree; wasn't sure he really wasn't looking for an excuse to leave. Then he took her hand and squeezed it gently. "'kay."

They moved toward the bed and this time she turned down the covers while he shrugged out of his khakis. When she curled up next to him his arm instinctively went around her and she settled down for the night, drifting off to sleep to the gentle rhythm of his breathing and the feel of him against her.


End file.
